The Life As A Servant Of Allah S.W.T

This piece of writing is dedicated to one of my friends whom i am pretty sure quoting what he wrote, is feeling shattered for unknown reasons..What i am writing here is insyaallah applicable for everyone, insyallah because each and everyone of us faces the same thing, times of ups and down, time of being happy and sad..time of everything that based on yin and yang concept...and this is no exception to myself as well, though i often potray a problem-free expression on my face, but deep down only Allah knows what is in my mind, my confuse thinking sometimes, the conflict that i am facing, the difficulties and problems due to my stupid mistakes i have done that nobody in this entire world should know and etc...

This is my personal story that i hope would give some useful insight to the way u look at life.....When i was in form five, most of my friends (including alia, shila and dina) were this modern type of girls...i mixed a lot with chinese girls and my lifestyle were completely modern...the practice of islam in certain aspects was seen as 'conservatives and kampung' ....i was apart and i could feel that i was drifting away from Allah...U see, i was raised by my grandma until form three when my parents said that i should move and stayed with them, form4..I wasn't happy at all bcs my place was with my grandma..but i have no options, to please ur parents or to go againts themm..i chose to please them (6 months later my grandma past away, which i kept on blaming myself for leaving her all alone at that kampung..i should have stayed with her, the thing was, she refused to come along with us, she insisted on staying at that house..and even until today, when i reflected back, i regretted that i left herbut perhaps that was what Allah wanted it to be) Staying in the bandar with my parents working from 8 to 6 and their emphasis only on study, less on mengaji or anything that was associated with islam...i was being swiped away further from Allah (that was after form 3, during the honeymoon year)...

I could sense that i was away from the Almighty and it was just so hard for me to feel Allah's existence at that time...I didn't know where to search for Allah..I believed that He exists..but why when i am sad, when i am being distress and at times when nobody is around to comfort me...even Allah is not there...those were the questions that were playing in my mind...a dangerous thinking that could have led me to slip from my akidah and iman..nauzubillah..I questioned God existence to help me in my problems..why didn't he lift the burdens on my shoulder if he exist....why....why didn't he let me feel that he exist in my heart...the thing is, Kita tak nampak Allah tapi Allah nampak kita...kita nampak kawan2, kita dgr kawan2 jadi kita selalu alpa dan lebih cenderung ikut kawan2...sebab kita rasa kehadiran kawan2 tapi susah sekali unt merasai kehadiran Allah melalui kemanisan iman...I was searching for stgh to apease my soul..something to help me and let me feel calm..tapi susahnya..susah sekali...I would stop by at the masjid negeri and burst into tears asking Allah to come into my life....to help me and be with me....i was in luv with joe, and i was consistently againts what my parents were saying...lagi bertambah2 my dosa, dah lah tak mengaji dan tak ingat Allah, dan modern pula tu..Ya Allah...I knew that i was not going to get straight A's in my spm, sebab kecemerlangan hanya akan hadir dgn hadirnya bantuan Allah..usaha doa tawakal...i have usaha but my usaha is not being blessed dgn my accumulated dosa at that time..but alhamdullillah i survived obtained 7A1 and dua lagi tu tak payah sebut lah..*** we didn't get a chance to go clubbing during high schools sebab we have to be back by 6pm***

then i surrendered my fate to Allah and ended up in Uitm ( i received couple of offers from renong and to fly under petronas but my dad decided that actuarial science has better prospects). first sem, yelah junior budak2..and i was so homesick and at that time i repented over what i have done to my parents, for going againts their words and etc..i luv them so much and the distance make me realized on the deeds that i have done all these while..still at that time i was among the 5 students out of 30 students in the class that was seen as modern....i looked at those wearing tudung lebih2 lagi tudung labuh cam 'konservatif/kuno'...they tried to do all these dakwah thing tapi they didn't excel in their study..***though i was far from my parents, i didn't had a chance to go clubbing bcs of the college restrictions..u have to be back by 10pm, or else the gate will be locked*** I followed the college program, tried to recite quran in my room when one of my roomates later told me that my recitation was not bertajwid...(i was determined at that instant to improve on my mengaji), then it was nearing to the end of the semesterwhen we had this annual dinner and i was appointed as the mc, however, unfortunately i had this big beguk at my leher which required u to apply nila dan cuka and my neck was suddenly this violet colored and with the dinner approaching over, the only solution i had to cover this beguk thing was to wear tudung and that was when i started wearing tudung, tapi nampak jambul kat depan...tak betul2 lah..well, now that i have started wearing the tudung, it would seem so hypokit and insincere indeed to take it off....dan entah macam mana slow2 alhamdullillah berkat kakak2 tudung labuh tu, in my secoond semestr i was appointed as one of the biro dakwah, dan masa cuti first semester tu, i came back to penang looking for a place to learn on reciting the quran from scratch (i joined this Pusat qiraati with primary school kids, but hey, nothing to be ashamed off..I wanted to learn) and alhamdullillah after sitting for the 'recitation' qualification exams', i was then teaching at that pusat Qiraati i Farlim...

Throughout these journeys and experiences, there is one thing that i've never stop doing, to isolate and seclude myself at the mosque (kat masjid shah alam, cantik dan tenang sekali) when i am streesss and in need of someone, and i would cry, burst into tears, repenting over my sins and bad deeds, asking and begging Allah to asnwer my prayers....."And Allah said, "Invoke me and i will respond to ur invocation, Quran: 40:60)...dan alhamdullillah now when i reflected back, everything was a bless in disguise...

to Awan, I have a suggestion, why not try burst out kat masjid..masjid negara ke masjid mana2..minta apa2 saja dari Allah, luahkan segala2 nya ...He will respond to ur invocation..Nobody else in this entire world understand ur situation dan the conflict in ur heart..but only He..He Allah can see the inner u...For those that are afflicted with disaster, glad tidings await them so remain patient and happy with ur Lord..


"Shall i not teach u words that u should say when in distress: Allah, Allah My Lord, I do not associate any partners with him..

Sunday night, 9.30 pm. It was a big unforgettable weekend….a weekend that past by with unforgettable memories….
Today is a cdd day, cultural diversity day (something like hari terbuka university) and there were more than 50+ organizations mostly representing different countries participated….I was pretty exhausated since yesterday (woke up at 5.30am)….Yesterday, after the 150 exam, I rushed home to get all the curry misture, tumeric powder and etc. to cook for this cdd…cdd is an annual event and this would definitely be my last cdd…and this final cdd was the best that I had with everyone (there are only less than 10 malaysian students here)…cooperating and helping each other to make this cdd a successful one..No doubt, we do feel unsatisfied and bitch about one another, but the bond, the spirit, the effort and everything else that we’ve put in, make this cdd earn a higher place than my two other cdds…..I just love everyone here although we are all on our own…everyone with his/ her busy schedule ( we met perhaps thrice in a semester) and we get together only on certain occasions or meetings..I’ll remember all of them forever…..Andrew (budak sri inai), Ken (PFS), Brenda (kelang), Nafis (petaling), Carrie(penang), janeelle (penang) and weekiat (Kl)… ..Thanks guys (though they are not reading this but they’ll be remembered in my life)..So all of us were trying here and there preparing the roti jala which we called Malaysian pancake, chicken curry and ondeh2 that we called Malaysian bombs and air cincau…(grass jelly water)…the guys were cheering up the tiring mood among us with their nonsence jokes and tease among themselves…it was funny, and definitely I did burst about my date with this American guy..…Sam pottel ..

Dearest diary,
I am uncertain how should I express this but I am completely overwhelm with shyness and blushing all over..hello, this is something that I don’t like most when I have to kindda control myself..(control ayu gitu, boleh)..should I be grateful that this is happening or should I be shunning away and hoping that it will eventually go..i don’t know, I am going back to Malaysia..…I met this sam on the way back and he asked me to go for coffee..he’s a jewish + Christian and I told him that I had this cdd, and don’t think I could make it..then he said what about tonight, so after cooking and clearing up at debbie’s place, Andrew took me home (oh shila, Andrew is the type of guy cam Kun Tin…but he’s 19, cam mana ni)…and I gave sam a call and turn out he live behind my place..so we met and went out for coffee at java house and ..there were so much things that we talked about and I noticed that he kept on looking at me..one thing that I don’t quite like , but u see, I have to be confident in giving out my answers to him so that he would be convinced with what I am saying, the power of influencing others..that is what I am trying to do..my first impression when he asked me out was that this guy is trying to entice me into Judaism or Christianity or stgh and with my knowledge on islam and the content of bible that contradicted what jesus taught, I have a confident to overcome someone like him..so we chatted the whole night (until 11 pm) and he declined couple of phonecalls asking him to go out or watch movies or stgh….u know, u could ffeel if this person likes u or if he is pretending and I kept on saying in my heart..”oh allah u are my best disposer, u know what is unseen and u alone is sufficient for me”…I just don’t know what this guy is really hoping to get from me other than trying to convince me on his religion..but I was a little wrong, he didn’t really try to persuade me into Christianity or stgh but more into changing ideas and views, and no doubt this was a knowledgeable discussion I had..then roughly around 11 pm, he led me home and asked me couple of questions…”Do I consider this as a date? Will I take into considearation to date somebody of different religions..walah..soalan2 apakah ini..aku sgt tak boleh kalau org Tanya aku cam ni..I’ll be blushing all over… pleaselah..i’ll feel shy indeed to face him next time..i prefer if I don’t know that this person is liking me or stgh…please…oh apakah yg perlu aku lakukan ni……(may be this is what somebody felt when I told him that I like him and would he consider me.. ah. What a silly stupid thing)This reminded me so much of the time when I was in itm when I am aware that some seniors had a crush over myself and I would take this long route to go to class in order to avoid bumping into them..but with this guy…alahai.how to avoid, .i have told him earlier that I am 23 and I am in my senior year..be graduating soon insyaallah..and he told me he is 19 but hello, why is he asking me this sort of questions……..and today he showed up for cdd, buying the food that we were selling and said that I don’t have to rush to class bcs he’ll reserve his seat to me..OH NO!!!!!!!!!! I don’t want..i don’t want to know somebody had a crush over myself..no...and definitely all other malaysian students were giving this really jerky smile…alahai……so what should I do now….i am blushing and being so shy (memang aku tak suka macam control2 ni)…NO>>>>So what should I do..entahlah perhaps it’s only his temporary feelings tapi the good thing that I feel flattered about is the fact that he is 19, so is that mean all these staying up and burning the midnight oil has a reverse impact, instead of aging my skin, it make me look younger..walah..cam mana ni..ha..ha..ha..oklah enough of this crappy thing…I am so sleepy..

Shila: yes, he is a jewish, but he didn’t support what is happening in Palestine…U remember kun ti rite..

Azlan: I have a compliment from this visitor..so now onwards u have to read my piece of writing till the end…ha..ha..ha..

Awan: …don’t be sad and don’t let all those shattered feelings creep into urself, do not be sad for sadness, grief anxiety are the roots of mental problems, the soyrces of stress..….u are the king of ur self…u control urself and love urself…..


Oh yes, should write here as well: F, my sister pass with flying colors her spm exam, alhamdullillah..and D, my another sister undergone her minor surgery….alhamdullillah..Oh Allah, please give ur guidance to my sisters and let them excel in everything that they are doing and grant them hidayah and iman..protect them from everything Ya Allah…

Posted by: Amy / 8:49 PM

Assalamualaikum Diary,
Dearest Diary....
I am done with my exam today and alhamdullillah everything went on pretty well...I was quite nervous this morning for fear that the 100+ formulas i need to memorize may slip off my mind..but alhamdullillah it went on ok..Praise be to Allah the Almighty, He alone is my best disposer and He alone is sufficient to me..I have to go out and help them in preparing for cultural diversity day (CDD) tomorrow and guess what diary, i have a date...ha..ha..ha..after how many years, i have a date here..well, just pause that for a little while..I have this weird feelings in myself..not a weird feelings, a feeling that i am aware of..a feeling that i, only i myself know what feeling it is...It;s all rubbish, a complete nonsence but no harm for me to let the feelings sail in my heart..should i?....My astrological report seems to be accurate when it interpreted what i am feeling today...Despite the feelings, it stated that I shall rise..hopefully, insyaallah..so should i let the so called impossible feelings be sailing in my life..or should i just put a full stop to it..I should put a full stop..i know that's in the best interest for everyone but how??..This must be the stupid devil occupying my mind and let my heart and thought swerve away from Allah The Almighty..I know, i shall make dua..make dua to ALlah, and ask Allah to please give me strength and let go of all this nonsence that has degraded my dignity and values..insyaallah..i will..He is my best disposer...
Ok, about my date...alamak..should i go for this date...why is that guy seems to be interested in knowing me..Is he trying to entice me into judaism or i would have to play my part in enticing him into ISlam..here's how it all began..This guy, Sam something is in the class before our class..well, pretty confusing the ayat ni..Sebelum my class, it will be his class..so after his class ends, we would rush into the class to get the front seats..somehow, all acturriall science asian students prefer to sit in the first row which is completely opposite to the americans who like sitting at the back..so sam sit in the first row, and by the time we enter his class, he would be packing to leave and i often sit at where he use to sit......we just smile and sometimes he would laugh at us acting like small kids trying to 'cup' the first row..but none of us bother about this kind of act, important thing, duduk depan..so today i met him on the way back...and definitely i am so exhausted after the exam and i need to rush for that cdd thing..and suddently he said..well, may be we could go for a coffee..definitely, i was taken aback..emm..hopefully, he has the rite intention insyaallah..(i rememnered the first american to ask me out..he was ACCA holder ok (memang gempak), he said something macam..well, we could go out and flirt around..i was like..bloody hell lah this guy...what does he think i am and that was three years ago..btw, americans like asian women for some extra peasures that they could not get from their american woman..i don't care lah) so now this guy is asking me out for coffee..tonight...AHHHHHHHHHHHH>>>>AMY!!!!!!!! Should i go, should i not...walah......so should i go, should i not...i'm not sure if he is trying to entice me to judaism or stgh..but if he does, meaning that, besides reading the tafsir and bible, i need to understand torah juga ke..walah..perlukah....perlu sebab nak counterback dia org punya argument..I think i am going...I am going...So tonight i have a date with Sam stgh..ha..ha..ha..should i dress up..perhaps tak kut...malaslah..tgklah cam mana...oklah, i need to go for my cdd thing so i'll update about the date later..Amy, i love u forever Amy...I love u..I love myself...

Oh Allah, please instill strenth within myself to fast tomorrow on the date of Asyra and please Ya Allah, protect me from the unseen evil...I love u Allah....U Alone that I worship and u are my best disposer, u alone is sufficient for me..

Almost 1 am and i just came back from Siemann center..manage to confine myself, isolated and focus on my study....with accompaniment of bublegums (I started chewing buble gum nowadays) and a small radio that i bought..Just put up a short entry here as a reminder to everyone..I'll elaborate more tomorrow after my exam.....walah...nampak gayanya, aku burn the midnight oil tonight..My life would go haywire each time i am taking the exam..the light would turn on every night, the radio would keep on tuning until morning (subuh) and to some worse extent, i would sleep with my book on top of me...habislah kalau my life continuosly cam ni...so tak terurus...anyway, that is not the main thing here..attended the khutbah jumuah this afternoon and the Imam gave a very useful insight on the earthquake that had hitted Maghribi and iran this year, then he talked about the day of asyura and it's history on why we have to fast for two days instead of one, which i will share with u guys later....the major thing i wanted to state here is the dua the imam recite to give us strength to fast on the day of Asyura..insyaallah dear friends.,..cubalah sedaya yg mampu..insyaallah..

"Oh Allah, Make us among those who fear u most, make us among those who love u most...Oh Allah, make us among those who fast on the day of Asyura...Oh Allah make us among those who fast on the day of Asyura...Oh Allah grant us strength and courage and help us to face any challenges and difficulties..."
Those of u yg contemplating, try to recite this dua, who knows out of sudden, u feel like fasting...

8.20 pm...I have lots of ideas to write here but somehow time is the constraint that prohibited me from doing so..I have exam this thursday, and with less motivation in myself these few days plus with my classmates relaxing mood..i am so not effective in taking this exam...I guess this is the impact of last semester brutally drilling by my prof to ensure our success in SOA course 3, and now that it had over..most of us seems to be taking things more easily...I need something to spark back my motivation, stgh to keep me going..something to take away my mind from thinking of nonsence stuffs that have been occupying my tiny brain lately..i have to be profesional and need to delete all these stupid rubbish thought from my brain...I will I have to be strong and i have to forgone this thought forever, it will be deleted from my mind because it is useless...I WILL...Amy, i know u can..u can and u will..insyaallah..i will..

SOme interesting things to take note..As i read the newspaper yesterday, utusan online..my attention was caught by the headlines on the Prtumbuhan positif negara...I need to analyze on this issue which means that now, I need to train myself to think analytically and not to accept anything bluntly even though it is claim to be true so long as i don't see the evidence, i can't validate the claim....I think everyone has to do the same thing,...it was claimed that the country is showing a positive growth and if it's true, why do our unemployment rate is still at high levels...how come thousands of our graduates do not have jobs..is this a negative correlation between productiveity and unemployment..well, it can't be negative corelated because if it does it will only violate the principle that have been uphold all these years..I need to find some explaination to this, but not now, perhaps weekend, insyaallah hopefully i'll find some clues..We can't blindly trust what the media is saying instead we have to think and make our own judgemnet because media could spew false dogma that would trap those who don't know the truth. An instance would be a claim that 1997 economic crash is by George Soros, but the hidden factor that was not being disclose was the short of money in circulation..so that's one of my task...

Oh yes, I had an opportunity to watch Mozart's opera today..Don Giovanni...Shila..we should go and wathc all these orchestra next time..ok..let me sum up a little what these opera was about..i mean the theme and the plot and if any of u manage to get hold of it at the public library, should go ahead and watch..it's a combination of soprano songs and male alto..ok the story was about a womanicer (he's wealthy as well), Don Giovanni that seduced every woman he met..he seduced 300 woman in italy, 100+ in france, 90 in turkey and these women regardless if they are peasants, somebody;s wives or whoever, tak kira kayake, cantik ke, whatever, he would seduce..ha..ha..ha..so it ended up, a ghost of this one person he killed appeared and asked him to repent but he refused to do so and the earth consume him..(bumi telan dia)..ha..ha..ha..kelakar rasa..but it was so classic and so superb in terms of its quality..the musical background, the orchestra and etc...

Shila, should go one day ngan dina and alia..kat dewan sri pinang, selalu ada orchestra performance...

Well, i need to end here and confine myself away fromthis laptop and study..I HAVE TO STUDY>>STUDY>>STUDY>>>WHAT SHOULD I TELL MYSELF YE...STUDY IS THE POWER OF EVERYTHING..Ok insyaallah I'll study...INSYAALLAH..

Oh Allah, please increase in my knowledge, increase me in my taqwa and iman, and let me think only of u and destroy anything that would deviate my mind towards thinking on u..Oh Allah, please protect me from anything that doesnot benefit myself and forgive my sins, Ya Allah..There is none worthy of worship but u and u alone i believe..I love u Allah...

I am feeling exhausted and sleepy as usual, my life revolves and circulates only around my studies, my books, exams, quizzes and projects....which stimes i think i ought to try on working environment, but perhaps not, i choose studying over working...I need to study and finish the topics tonight..desperatelly need to finish them although the exam is on saturday..no time be wasted and not to be procastinate and please focus only on ur study...ur lover, ur life, ur everything..insyaallah i will....there is stgh that i had always wanted to write here and this thing has been drilling in my mind all these while.....taken an exceprt from Imam Ali during the khuthbah jumuah couple of weeks ago..." Do not imitate the kufr"......I am writing here because of my love towards my friends...and I am sure us, being an optimist, educated people would be able to accept this openly..Ok how do i begin this...nak tapis ke ye..well, who cares this is my diary...U see, when i give salam to someone, no matter verbally or in written, i am asking/making supplication for that person, i am asking Allah to grant peace upon that person (Peace be upon u) and this is a dua not just a mere expression of greetings..however sadly to say, most of my beloved friends don't respond in a manner that i wish they would..i mean, i am making dua for u, and i want u to make dua for me as well.....instead of giving salam, they prefer to reply in hello dear Amy, Hi..and etc..etc...I am not sure why this is happening even to my closest friends satu group usrah dulu pun.....Is this the trend when one starts working...or is this becasue they just feel shameful in giving salam....or is it because they are trying to blend in and imitate the non muslims lifestyle..I don't know....I don't have the answer but it saddened me most when it happened to bebudak my group usrah sendiri....Why do we have to imitate the kufr? We have our own identity and we have to uphold our identity..rendah sgt ke dgn memberi salam atau menjawab salam itu..apakah terlalu hina kalimah Allah itu..I don't know..Even if u are working under supervisor that is non muslims, u should try to potray urself as a good muslim and uphold ur values...and this is when their respects come upon the ummah of Muhammad. DON"T EVER2 CHANGE UR IDENTITY TO COMPLY WITH THE NEEDs AROUND U IF IT"S MEANT TO GO AGAINTS ALLAH WORDS.

When i first came here and that sept.11 happened, i remembered what my mum told me..." Well, kalau racism semua dah teruk sgt, buka sajalah tudung tu.." and i was like..mama...this is the time when we have to be stronger and if i were to die at that instant or anyone were to harm me, I'll surrender myself only to Allah and He is our best disposer...insyallah..and if i die for the cause of islam, i;ll go to jannah straight regardless of my sins here..(well, surely i'll be punish for my bad deeds but it is guaranteed to those yg mati shahid)..i didn't say that to her but Dearest Dearest my friends that i love...(should let those itm girls read this)....let's start giving and jawab salam...let's stop imitating the kufr....and uphold our dignity, values, integrity as Ummah Muhammad, insyaallah..

I am sleepy now..i need a deep nap....no offense ye korang...U guys know me kan..biasalah...

Luv,
Amy..

Excerpt from Imam Ali's dua (he's from palestine)

Oh Allah, please grant victory to the muslims, Oh Allah please destry the kufr (kufar), Oh Allah please destroy the kufr..Oh Allah Please give vistory to ur religion Islam..>

The story below is forwarded by Nora which i think is quite true....just to complete Norman KRU saying in one of the Tv show in malaysia last time on why he's not married yet..he gave the answer stgh like this: I want a challenging woman, not sbdy yg baik bang, ok bang...yelah bang..>>> ha...ha..ha..I was watching that with my housemates eila, aida and ayu, and ayu being the most 'consevatives' among us gave this kinky look...ye ke guys nak cam tu..i don't know..but i know my bf won't want sbdy like that and he's trying to change me bit by bit...anyway, it's quite late now and i need to finish my regression and time series hwk..22S 150 taught by this one most favorable, humble Jewish professor..I'll tell more about her some other time..Since i started studying quite late, so i would definitely now ended up staying up burning the midnight oil to accomplish this hwk..has exam this saturday, oh need to attend the maths colloqium tomorrow..and what else..and oh yeah..shila, i've been doing some shopping lately..and everything bermotifkan pink..since my color accoridng to the feng shui belief which i think is true is pink....so almost everything that i possess is in pink color....what was i about to type here..anyway, i'll let u know about those stuffs on sale here later..I'll stop here, so much things to study in order to do the hwk..insyaallah, let's pray that i'll be able to complete themm...

To Awan/F: thank u for visiting my blog...this is the true me....

Oh Allah the Almighty the most Gracious The most kind the most merciful, please give me strength and courage over what i am doing now and please help me in accomplishing my task..insyaallah...

Yea, don't sell yourself short.


In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the
question "What kind of man are you looking for?"


She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye and asking
"Do you really want to know?" Reluctantly, he said "Yes." She began to
expound... "As a woman in this day and age, I am in a position to ask
a man what he can do for me that I can't do for myself. I pay my own
bills. I take care of my household without the help of any man...or woman
for that matter. I am in the position to ask, "What can you bring to the table?" The
man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money.
She quickly corrected his thought and stated, "I am not referring to
money.

"I need something more. I need a man who is striving for perfection in
every aspect of life. "
He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, and asked her to explain.

She said "I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection mentally
because I need conversation and mental stimulation. I don't need a
simple-minded man. I am looking for someone who is striving for
perfection spiritually because I don't need to be unequally yoked... believers
mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster.
I need a man who is striving for perfection financially because I don't need a financial burden. I
am looking for someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go
through as a woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded. I am
looking for someone who I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must
respect him. I cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his
business. I have no problem being submissive...he just has to be
worthy.
God made woman to be a help mate for man. I can't help a man if he
can't help himself.

When she finished her spill, she looked at him. He sat
there with a puzzled look on his face. He said, "You are asking a lot."

She replied, "I'm worth a lot."

Special notes:

Shila: A quote from what my prof said today..When u married u are competing half of the religion..cam mana tu..

Azlan: I know i write so lengthy that would definitely shun people to read them..but franly speaking,..this is like my diary azlan, the last time i had one that i wrote about my love tail with joe, every single thing and i left it in malaysia when i came here only to be aware that my parents discovered my dearie diary..of course, they don't miss the opportunity of reading everything inside it and i was completely embarrassed..but now..this is my diary, my heart, my secrets, my thoughts that i shared with u guys...that nothing to be kept secret for if there were anything happen to me, u know how my passion my love and my tail goes to be remembered..ok...but hey, just readlah..

Danian: Defintely i will need to learn more about laws from u..pretty interesting jadi lawyer ni..ye ke i nak jadi lawyer..my mum told me yg perempuan kalau pandai cakap sgt, lelaki tak suka...ye ke danian..he..he..he,..I think u must be very busy chambering at this time...

Just came back from class, the timing on my pc is completely worng...i should adjust it later...anyway, to sum up interesting events in my life today..Well, lead the life to the fullest and that is what i am planning today for i don't know when will my death time be...Another phrase that I like: Tersungkur di pintu syurga.. may be because this phrase constantly remind me of the notion of hell and heaven and if my deeds in this world is enough to help me in the life hereafter..insyaallah..anyway that is not the major thing i wanted to post here.. The majr thing today is about my canadian economic's professor..feeling like cursing and bitching about him here...Only Allah knows what is wrong with this prof..if danielle, my calssmate that i used to cooperate with to do all these assignments with, he would definitely support me even further in criticisizing this canadian prof..now no doubt, never take any canadian's class...he..he..he..bolehkah begitu..ok to begin with, i don't actually need this class until the very last minute when Prof. Nelson told me that i have to take one of the class ranging from 117 to 189 levels in order to obtain my degree...i tried to negotiate with him is there's any equivalent transfer could be done becasue obviously, i am already overloading myself with 18 semester hours..Quoting from what nelson said, " Well, i could but that is insufficient to qualify urself to be called an economist..." Walah...Of course i don't want such a thing to happen..susah payah belajar econs tak dipanggil economist...alahai..then ended up i signed for this class .under Prof Paarch, this Canadian man..because i saw more than 50 students signed up for his class and my assumption was that, definitely this is a popular class and it might be easier to score..but turn out that my theoretical analysis was completely wrong..from more than 60 studentd, now there are only 14 students and out of this number, there were only 3 students..The method that this prof used was to demoralize studnets and eventually they would drop the class and danielle was one of them..he quited haf way in the battle..i am pretty determined to excel in this class..not to screw up my econs record of getting an A's and insyaallah with Allah's will, i am sure that things will come in handy in the future...I used to tell Danielle last time that he should stay put becasue eventually this prof would be lenient with us and he will try to make things easier on us..U see this class consists of all sneiors who are anticipating to graduate this may...ok what else, there was this one time..no bfr that..u know since this is a highest level class, he should have provided some TA for us but no..he is our only sources of doing the hwk...but he is so uncooperative, everyone could ask all sort of questions but not on hwk..B.....I went to ask him this one time on the hwk....ok finelah that he refuse to tell me, i bet no one else go and see him..then i ask him this one simple question.."Can i copy the answer from the book..everything and will i be penalized?...He said,,..miss shahrier, i can't tell u..that will violate the whole purpose of giving this hwk..whatever damn thing he was saying.....but i get straight scores in my hwks and i think he is aware of that..ha..ah..ha..and again today i went to ask him one question...not from the hwk but from the previous hwk bcs u cannot ask anything on current hwk..and he looked at my paper and said...u get high scores only because u wrote whole bunch of stuf...I was like..hello..i did a lot of research and everything ok..but whatever, he's the prof..just comply with his demand and need..and as i enterd the class, i know a lot of my classmates that don't even comprehend the problems in the hwk...turn out i passed my hwk around for them to copy...now i wonder if i should finish doing the hwk earlier and circulate it aorund, so that everyone would be able to finish their hwk as well, and all of us, senior of 2004 would be able to graduate with flying colors...Hopefully, insyaallah..with Allah's will nothing is impossible..what thing i knwo for sure...i'll give a bad evaluation of this prof later at the end of the semester....

An excerpt taken from Enron's article as the consequence of my previous talk with Azlan:


***Enron is more than a story about one company...It's about a system for doing business permeated by corpoarte power abuse, conflicts of interest, rigged corporate "oversight" systems, disrespect for workers and a flawed anti goverment dogma***>>>

O All Mighty God, forgive me my sins which tear apart safeguards!
O All Mighty God, forgive me my sins which bring down adversities!
O All Mighty God, forgive me my sins which alter blessings!
O All Mighty God, forgive me my sins which hold back supplications(Du'ah)
O All Mighty God, forgive me my sins which dash all hopes!

This is an exceprt taken from my today's astrological report: Nobody is left behind when society advances as a whole. As long as everyone maintains high ideals, certain lapses in personal morality will go unchallenged. Live your life as an example to inspire others. . I like the wordings, live ur life as an example to inspire others..insyaallah....

I woke up at my usual time 6.30am, and now alhamdullillah i have no difficulties of waking up early even though i slept pretty late..so i hope this won't impose a problem on myself when i start working. I wanted to write about music since ihave h=just done with my music class just now..I think, not think but a true fact, is that I ave deep passion towards music now...Music during the early period, during the renaisaance , the boroque period and up until what we are learning today, until the classical period..i should change the music here on my blog to one of those musics that i love to listen..Try to get hold of vivaldi's music, or troubador songs..theu are in latins but the melody is so super high222 class..u hardly can compare them with today's music..when u listen to all these performance (today on mozart's performance: G major emm..symphony orchestra), it sparks some undescriable feelings within oneself..for me personallly..the music, the melody was composed ina unique way that no matter how many decades or centurry time has passed, they remain the unforgetable respectable music throughout the lifetime...Perhaps i should resume with my guitar class now..oh should i, 34US per hour..So now, do i love my money or should i equip myself with one more extra skill...I'll think and layout my budget and decide by today...One of the lyrics in that troubador sngs that i like was: not the lyrics, let me sum up what the song's message was: it was about a woman, possess the beaty and the intelligence and he fall inlove with this guy but the guy is not feeling the same way to her...ha..ha..ha...kind of relate to my life as well..but whatever, listen to those music..and u could feel the sense of excitement, the value of music the uniqueness of its melody, rhythm..and u'll appreciate how mavelous these composers of the late centuries/decades were...I think one of the malaysian legend, would be sudirman..I like his songs,..and i like siti's songs as well (not a fan of her bcs my bf like her..alahai) but these malay songs would only make me not being a profeesional, more into berangan2 berkhayal kahyall.whatever..but the whole message here is" listen to vivaldi/bach/ troubador song/hydin/and etc..and let me know what u think...Shila< Should u change ur taste from Rap (masa high school dulu) to these music i am promoting>he..he..he..just kidding.


THE CALL TO BE WHO WE ARE< TO STAND FOR OUR IDENTITY, OUR VALUES AND ISLAM
(taken from Taherah's email)
In the name of Allah, I ask you to stand up for the rights
of your Muslim brother and father. In the name of Allah, I pray to
Allah that you will be amongst those who stood up and attended when
they were called to stand up.
Ummat Muhammad stands united!

I realized as usual that i have pile of hwks to do yet my slow momentum doesn't seems to be motivating enough to keep me going as much as i want to..plus with the fact that my housemate janelle was so free to ask me dozens of questions and discussion stuffs ranging from personal up to serious issue in malaysia...I had this butterfly in my stomach and somehow i am in good mood nowadays which i worried that unexpected thing might happen..anyway, put aside my hwk and everything and let me share this thought and discussion i had with her..One of the major thing i told her was the story of moses that save the jews from paraoh on this holy month of Muharram, meaning that on the 9th and the 10th of this month, when the muslim are fasting, the jews are also fasting to honor the day that they were save from paraoh..the story of the laut terbelah and menelan Firaun dan org2nya..then came another interesting topic that we had..the dominance power in malaysia...now i wonder how does this happen..u see, usually women are the one that led in academics and etc, but it is upside down when it comes to job market...in kl itself u can see more men driving big cars, leading luxurious life than women yet, women on average are more successful than they are..SO the question is, how could this happen...is it because women prefer to lead a moderate life than to spend on big cars and etc, or women being second class category when it comes to securing a job..in other words, they are given less priority than their male colleagues..If this is the case, i wonder if when i start working later, my environment would be dominated by males and if such a thing happen, insyaallah i would break the tradition...this is not the first time i had break the tradition of male dominance society although no denial they are more superior in terms of their physical strength but in making judgemnet, i believe that women make better judgement tahn male..sorry to Azlan and danian...no offense ok..I did this twice in UiTm when we toppled the male leaders..hmm, this story should be supported by budak2 Uitm..but it's ok, they'll know about this blog later...and if the same thing is happening later in my life...shouldn't it be our obligation to break the tradition and be fair..don't get me wrong, i am not fighting for liberating women and so on like some reform organisations here in America..absolutely not, just that, the rite person should be allowed to have the rite position..well, we'll see..better get back to my book..

I had an appointment with janice, it wasn't my appointment but merely accompanying a friend of mine who is in trouble being caught for working illegally here..so she''s now seeking a legal advice and is appointing an attornoey to represent her...Janice....I wonder if this is the procedures that Azahan is dealing and if chambering is some sort of like this...well, the whole point is, u see that all these lawyers they were so keen to know every little tiny bit of detaill..every single thing..when were u being stop, at ur workplace or when u have done with ur work..and etc..so this H. is thinking of asking for deferral judgemnet..by the way, it's pretty common for international students to work illegally, driven by the facts that u earn up to 150US per hour..but then the attorney was advising her not to and they are trying to put the case as if it was the prosecutors fault..wallo..i was so amazed by their work, by all these fact twisting and etc..i mean from my understanding prior to this meeting..if u are guilty means that is it..u are guilty but these lawyers with their twisting here and there, they are trying to reverse the charge now..and H..on the other hand seems more excited than she was before..Emm, let's pray that things will turn out to be ok for her, it's just unlucky that she was caught during her turn..but Allah knows best..as i mentioned earlier..Me..no i didn't work, the first semestr i was here, i worked at the cafetaria, lifting up all the plates and glassess and everything when i realized that i don't like them and thinking about it rationally, it's just some physical work that is not compatible to my degree..well, Americans here are biased, no doubt about that in giving out jobs..if u are foreigners, u ended up doing those works, if u are americans, u are more likely doing better work..whateverlah with their biasness because i then ended up doing business that I am earning $ooooo amount as well..Oh thanks and praise be to Allah...I am stoppin here and continue with my econs project...and just to add stgh here, there's an interesting article in Fortune magazines about these group of guys aged 27 to 37 that is beating the $300 billon or million telecomunication company..Haven't finish reading them yet, but wow..ain't it cool to see how people make difference at that young age..Emm..wonder what sort of differences i would make later or even now..i'll think..

Anyway, Amy..I love u

O Allah, I ask You to grant me beneficial knowledge, abundant sustenance and cure from all diseases.

Posted by: Amy / 12:22 PM